This post is a little different.
Recently, I’ve been recommended a Chinese book, 我的二本学生, which is a collection of experiences about students from a teacher at at tier 2 university in China from 2005 up to the present.
In China, university were (and de facto are still) divided into 3 tiers. Tier 1, 2, and 3, with 1 being the “best” and getting the most funding and attention, 2 being middle of the pack and 3 being last.
So tier 2 is where the average young Chinese person would be.
The author offers a glimpse at the hopes and aspirations, the pains and worries of the Chinese people of my generation.
For some reason, after reading these stories I could not sleep, so I thought, why not share some of them here?
After all, I’ve been translating for fun for a couple of years, see Shameless advertisement of a webnovel, and Shameless advertisement of a game.
Background about the book
The author is a university professor from the province of Guangdong (Canton), China.
She teaches at a tier 2 university located about 15 km from the city center of Guangzhou, the capital of the province.
1. Wind.
(Context: In this excerpt the author gives a written assignment for which students have to write an essay titled wind. One of her students’ submissions leaves a lasting impression on her.)
It has been a while since I’ve written anything, and I can’t think of a worse moment to pick up my pen. I do not care about the howling of the wind outside, although I could say that there’s a sad resemblance between it and the agonizing cries of my suffocating heart. I am pained when I think about my current circumstances.
There’s nothing but pain and frustration when I think about my present circumstances. “I want to go to university!” I still remember the disapproval written all over the faces of the people of my village when I cried out my wish. All they could see was that I was not fulfilling my duties of filial piety toward my parents. I’ve come here, hoping that I would be able to obtain some kind of financial assistance, only to have my hopes shattered by a single-liner such as “Your parents are only forty-five, they’re still young.”
I can’t imagine what kind of fate would await me if I can’t get a loan. What future do I have? My parents earn less than a thousand yuan in a month (Note: that’s ~150USD), one of my little brothers needs to go to grade 12, another to grade 9, and we’re already struggling to find a way to pay for their fees. It has been half a year since I’ve received any money for my own living expenses, and I don’t know what to tell my parents if I’m unable to secure some kind of scholarship or loan. Maybe my classmates can breeze through problems like this one, but I need to work very hard to overcome them. I still remember how much I looked forward to college life when I was in high school, only to realize that it’s heaven only for the sons and daughters of the well-off, and even more painful for someone like me. Not only do I have to worry about my grades, but also about whether I will have enough food for the next month. For the sake covering my living expenses, I’ve spent a lot more time working than studying. I don’t want to grow up so fast and become an adult, but I have to think about how to sustain myself - both now and beyond graduation.
I keep telling myself that “there will a way when the time comes”, and try to cheer myself up, but I’m only more hurt after each failure. I’m trying my best, working at school, during summer, doing part-time jobs, but I find it so hard to come closer to the life I want, even by just a little. The strict requirements for one’s height, looks, as well as my own lack of confidence make me feel minuscle. Sometimes, when I think about all of this, I get so desperate I feel like I’ve even lost the courage to live.
Maybe this was all a mistake… maybe I shouldn’t have come to college.
The wind is still blowing strong outside, will it be able to blow away my anxiety, I wonder?
I’m sorry, it has been a really rough day for me today, and I had to hand in the assignment. Could you kindly be my audience this time?
(Note: Fortunately, it was a happy ending as the author was able to seek help for her student and the latter received an opportunity for work-study.)
